It’s with a heavy heart that I leave Vietnam. I really only
have good things to say about the place and its people. While I was in the
airport I thought about my whole experience. I had set goals for myself such as
volunteer at a microfinance NGO, find a job, learn some Vietnamese, and make Vietnamese
friends and I think I have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish.
My original motivation to return to Southeast Asia was to get
involved and better understand microfinance. Vietnam was a poor choice considering
how limited the microfinance industry is by the government. MACDI, the NGO I
volunteered at, is a good NGO and is involved in some very interesting and
positive things. My problem was that I came at a bad time and didn’t have that
much to offer them. I ended up wasting a lot of time there and I used to fill
my time by researching microfinance. My opinion of microfinance has moved from
fanciful preconceived notions grounded in idealism to a sophomoric
understanding based on idle research. Microfinance is not the game-changer I
envisioned it to be. It does of course have the potential to help a lot of
people but nations are not built by small, high interest loans.
I found my job at Language Link quite easily. Everything was
smooth and stress-free for the most part. However, teaching English ain’t
really my thing. I can do the job and I think some of my students liked me but
it’s not a job I would want to do for much longer. The money’s good but that’s
about all I can say about it. The most important thing about Language Link for
me was being able to meet and make friends with local staff. I met a lot of
very nice Vietnamese ladies and I really appreciate the friendships I made.
It’s probably the nicest work environment I’ve worked in. I will always have a
soft spot for the ladies of Language Link. I also met many lovely Western
people at Language and around Hanoi. I definitely made some friends that I will
be in touch with for the long term.
I think at the end of the day I just don’t really enjoy
teaching because I don’t have a lot to teach. Teaching makes me feel disingenuous.
Studying Vietnamese was much more interesting and I think I made some real
progress in Vietnamese. Tiếng Việt rất khó nhưng tôi thích học về tiếng Việt và
vân hóa của Việt Nam. Tôi nghĩ người Việt Nam rất thận thiện. Nếu tôi không có
bạn gai ở Mỹ thì chắc chắn tôi muốn sóng ở Việt Nam. Ở Mỹ tôi định đọc xong Truyện
Kiều trong tiếng Việt. Có lẽ tôi không thể làm vậy nhnưg I will try. Truyện Kiều
khônh những bunồ mà còn thú vị nhưng tôi không thích kết thúc của Truyện Kiều.
Tôi nghĩ Truyện Kiều nên có kết thúc không có hâu. Đây hay hơn.
Khi tôi đã học tiếng
Việt thì tôi dụng một quyển sách nhưng tôi quên ở nhà của bạn tôi. Tôi đã tức
giận lắm vì tôi đã viết nhiều về ngữ pháp và Truyện Kiều nhưng có lẽ đây tốt hơn.
Tôi phải học về điều mới.
Trong thời gian của tôi ở Việt Nam, tôi đã gặp nhiều người
Việt Nam. Tôi đã dạy tiếng Anh và tiếng Nhạt cho các bạn tôi và bạn tôi đã giúp
đỡ tôi với tiệng Việt. Tôi rắt vui vì tôi gặp nhiều ngươi Việt Nam thận tiện.
Xin lõi vì tôi không phải là giáo viên tốt. I do really appreciate all the help
all of you gave me.
From time to time I think back about Cambodia and how
pleasant that country was. Phnom Penh is a lively and fun place. I enjoyed my
time there. Cambodia left an impression on me similar to the feeling I get when
I awake from a good dream and that lingering pleasant feeling hangs over me but
I can’t really remember why it was a good dream.
It is difficult for me to give an objective analysis of
Vietnam since I grew emotionally attached to the country but objectivity really
is a fallacy outside of the indisputable, such as 2+2=4. I don’t believe humans
can separate their emotional identity and relationship with the world around
them from individual rationality. Someone could try to quantify how they feel
about a country like Vietnam. I could work out the pros and cons, pleasant and
unpleasant experiences and portray this data with cheesy bar graphs but I think
that kind of representation is meant to deceive investors and those interested
in taking out a mortgage. You can’t adequately describe anything without using your
heart. There could be something to be said about how Confucius’ terminology
lacked a distinction between “heart” and “mind” and what that implies (that’s
kind of stretch and is probably attributable to the difficulty of translating
archaic Chinese into English but I thought it was a cute example). The idea
Plato had of a transcendent rationality always floating above us is pretty
ridiculous. He can go screw himself. All in all what I’m trying to say is that
I love Vietnam and almost all the aspects of it but my opinion is of course
biased because of my personal relationships and experiences. I can’t really
explain why it is such a good place but I think if you read through other stuff
I’ve written than you can get a better idea for some of the specifics.
Just as when I left Manila last year and spent about a week
in Seoul to recover, I am going to let the friendliness and charm of the
Philippines nurse me back to health.
