Withdrawal Symptoms

It was with a heavy heart that I confessed to the secretary and photocopy lady at my work that I plan on leaving Vietnam in May. Telling my boss was easy. I hardly know him but telling the Vietnamese staff was far more difficult. I invested a lot of effort into learning Vietnamese and getting to know the local staff at the company I work at. The secretary and photocopy lady are the ones that I am closest with and our discussion got pretty emotional. The photocopy lady doesn’t speak any English so I had to speak only Vietnamese and a bit of English to get my point across. I also wanted to speak Vietnamese so my boss and other coworkers wouldn’t overhear what we were talking about. It was a sad conversation and affected me strongly.  Even though I’m not leaving for another month I feel like it is just around the corner. Of course I am looking forward to reuniting with Kristine and starting our life together. I’ve dreamed about this for months now but I have grown emotionally attached to Vietnam and the withdrawal will be painful. I feel like I’m already saying goodbye and it depresses me.

Some people think I’m foolish for leaving so early. Financially it would make a lot of sense for me to stay and work for another six months or so. I could come home with a tidy treasure but that is one thing I cannot do. I have followed my heart when I made all of my major decisions. I decided to go study in Hawaii on a whim. I just wanted something new. I had originally gone to university to study biology or some kind of science but I developed a strong interest in Asia under the tutelage of Professor Michael Aung-Twin. I took his class on South and Southeast Asian history and it inspired me. Michael Aung-Twin is a very a nice guy from Myanmar and a great teacher. However, he is one of the few major sympathizers of the military junta ruling over Myanmar which makes me question his ethics. I originally had wanted to study Vietnamese but I got confused over the schedule and enrolled too late. I then decided that Chinese would be too difficult so I chose Japanese. From that point on my interest was in Japan and all of its culture and history.

Japanese language proved to be one of my most difficult endeavors but I believe that I have largely conquered it. I’m by no means fluent as a native speaker but I can tutor people in Japanese, teach it in a class, and carry on a conversation. Japanese language and my study of all things Asia really opened my mind to this part of the world. I had planned on teaching English in Japan for a year but was denied a nice job due to some run-ins I had with the Pittsburgh police. At that point I made a commitment never to let some stupid mistake ruin the rest of my life. At this point my record is clear and I intend to keep it that way. I lackadaisically chose to go to the Philippines and volunteer at a Japanese NGO. The Philippines had its ups and downs for me but it was an experience that shaped who I am today and I regret nothing.

Coming to Vietnam had been my plan since January last year. I met Kristine over the summer but I decided to stick to my plan. As difficult as this long-distance has been I’m glad I made this decision. I’ve made a lot of effort to learn the language here and understand the local culture. One of my motivations for studying Vietnamese comes from a family friend back in Pittsburgh. He was a retired school teacher that had been terribly ill and had been unable to get out of bed for years. He was basically on life support but he devoted his time to learning foreign languages from all over the world. Unfortunately, he passed away shortly before I came here. The last language he studied was Vietnamese. His widow gave me the textbook he used to learn the language and I promised her that I would do my best to learn it as homage to him. I’ve learned a lot about Vietnam and myself in my short time here. Vietnam went through one of the more terrible and unnecessary wars in recent history but you could almost not even realize it coming here. The scars of war and bitter resentment I expected to encounter just aren’t here. Vietnamese people have been genuinely friendly with me. This is something I was not prepared for. I have made so many good friends here; both Vietnamese and Western. It’s really going to be hard to say goodbye. After Vietnam I will be entering the toil that is working in the United States and entering graduate school. It would be a lie to say that I am not anxious about the next stage of my life but knowing that I will be with the woman I love gives me strength.